Tuesday, December 11, 2012

An Anxious Waiting


Advent is here - an anxious waiting for Our Savior to be born anew in our hearts.  As we continue to prepare ourselves for his coming, I invite you to follow me online - not only through the remaining days of Advent, but through all my peaks and valleys as I begin my journey in earnest to one day meet My lord in Heaven.

I was born Catholic but the faith never found its way to my heart.  As soon as I was old enough to be on my own, I shook off the shakles of my faith, free at last to spend Sundays as I wanted and to live my life without guilt!

What a tragedy those years turned out to be.

After more than a decade of decadance, the threat of divorce finally brought me to my knees and I turned, for the first time in my entire life, my eyes and ears towards God.  I began to watch for Him, and to listen - but I still did not love.

During this time, my husband was learning about the Catholic faith and embracing it wholeheartedly.  I followed him, reluctantly, back home, but it was not until several months after his reception of the sacraments that I finally turned my heart to Our Lord as well.

Since that day, I have been on quite a spiritual rollercoaster.  Conversion has not been a painless process for me, and I still struggle daily with my faults.  But Our Lord and Our Lady have kept me close and while I have by no means reached the heights of sanctity, I can say (with great reluctance and fear) that by the grace of God I can at least recognize the dangers around me and truly try to remain in a state of grace.  Most times.  Not that I still don't find myself knee deep in mud puddles - but at least I am more aware of the spiritual dangers that pull me in.

Conversion is slow, indeed. 

The purpose of my blog is not to preach and not to portray my home as Martha Stewart perfect, or my family as fabulous as the Duggars.  My purpose is simply to chronicle my successes and failures in my attempts to respond to God's great grace in my life and perhaps inspire a few readers to reach beyond what they think they are capable, to take a risk and trust in Our Lord, that He will provide for His followers in all things, in His time, and in His own way.  And no matter what form His provisions come to us, it is always for our greatest good. 

This Advent season, for me, will not just be about preparing for the upcoming holiday.  It will be to prepare myself for His coming into my heart.

Domine Deus virtutem, converte nos, et ostende faciem tuam et salvi erimus.
Come, Lord Jesus, come!

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