As I write this, I realize I have lost something else besides the mouth stretcher. Actually, I have lost many things. Time. Grace. Patience. Sleep. And a few marbles, too. In fact, I have lost just about everything, except the 40 pounds that continue to stick with me through thick and...(well, hopefully those pounds won't stay with me through the 'thin'!)
I will be painfully honest with you: Ever since returning home, everything has been a fabulous source of sanctification for me. And luckily for the rest of the family, I have been a great source of sanctification for all of them as well. Bound together by love, loyalty, and the unavailability of extra vehicles to aid our escape, we are beginning to adjust to the new demands on my time and adapt to new personality traits that have emerged in Fulton. And in myself.
I was always been a bit frazzled and forgetful, but since returning home I think I am beginning to lose my mind. The house is a mess. I spend far too much time looking for things. And I have completely deleted far too many conversations I have had with people. I couldn't even tell you how many times Jay has heard me say, "I am so sorry! I completely forgot to...."
While the forgetfulness is certainly annoying, it is my newly perfected skills at misplacing things that is really a problem. Fulton's care requires so many items, it would be hard for a Martha Stewart type person to keep track of it all, let alone me. His blood pressure cuff, medical syringes, pressure garments, lotions and potions, etc is a lot of 'stuff' to handle on a daily basis, so it was off to the antique store for me!
We came home with a lovely 3 shelf hutch with a cabinet underneath to put in our bedroom. I could have settled for a cheap Walmart bookcase or something, but ugly and clutter make me crazy (although you'd never guess that based on how the house looks) so I spent the same amount on a real piece of furniture. I still need to get a basket or two to hold the multitude of tiny but oh-so-important items in my medical collection, but overall I am quite pleased with the new addition. I am still losing things on a regular basis though, and am considering making St Anthony my new favorite Saint, but overall there is a marked improvement.
It is still ugly and cluttered, but hopefully after a few more rustic looking baskets these shelves will be a little easier to look at first thing in the morning. Meanwhile I will continue to try to Lord willing, this is just a phase of readjustment and I will eventually become a more helpful addition to the rest of the family. But for the time being, we have all come to the understanding that Mommy is still Fulton's special helper. I will NOT forget that!
I continue to strive to transform his care into acts of love, thanksgiving and reparation to Our Lord and offer up our sufferings to The One who has done so much for us. I continue to see Our Lord Crucified in Fulton's little face and am learning to love on a whole new level. And I am continuing to lose my sense of 'self', slowly but surely, and that is one thing I hope will stay lost forever!
For everything else that I continue to lose, it is good to know that I have St Anthony to back me up!
Saint Anthony, perfect imitator of Jesus, who received from God the special power of restoring lost things, grant that I may find (mention your petition) which has been lost. As least restore to me peace and tranquility of mind, the loss of which has afflicted me even more than my material loss.
To this favor I ask another of you: that I may always remain in possession of the true good that is God. Let me rather lose all things than lose God, my supreme good. Let me never suffer the loss of my greatest treasure, eternal life with God. Amen.
St Anthony, pray for me!